Well. I tried. I really did.

But apparently writing 12 pages worth of theory in a day results in not being able to think for the rest of the week.

I've been breaking my brain for two days over this bloody stupid English paper, and damned if I can't find a single bloody thing to write about.

That sure is pathetic, isn't it? But I just. Can't. Do it. And by now, I think I'm just going to give up. Because I've typed and destroyed four paragraphs on an attempt at explaining why conveying the information by dialogue is important (but I can't make a topic sentence about it) three paragraphs on motif (because its only a recurring element in the passage and Quinton never quantifies it as associated with anything directly) and one paragraph on why I can't think of a single thing for this paper that would qualify as close reading.

Oh, and I've given myself at least two panic attacks, one sense less self harming rage, and have yet to sleep in my bed at all this week as a result of taking naps on the floor.

By now I'm almost tempted to say "fuck my GPA, if I fail this class because of this paper at least it will have been as a result of something that was genuinely my fault."

I am saying screw the paper, however.

At least its in the proper bloody font. It'll allow my grade on the paper to be an even zero rather than a -10 points for turning it in late.

Fuck this, my brain brock. Brock? Broak. Broke. Gods. What did I do to myself?

Really? I mean, really? Of all the convoluted, messed up passages in The Sound and the Fury we have to analyze that? The 'oh, I'm so edgy, I can write five pages of f'ed up people with out dialogue tags in stream-of-conscious' one that had me nodding. I'm going to pull an all nigher for this?

Not to say the books bad. Bloody hard to read, but I actually enjoyed reading Quintens final bit because it was interesting when I just let my mind go and read the page. It felt like skimming a book, but I wasn't. Successful stream-of-conscious, yay! Faulkner is hardly trying to be 'edgy'...rather those who are edgy are attempting to be him, correct?

But. What must I do with this S.O.C.? Instead of letting my mind go I must concentrate upon the 'word choice' and 'diction'. Nevermind the difficulties in discovering whats actually happening (Q. offers to kill C. then himself so she can escape her boyfriend). We must ferret out the "So What's?" of the passage.

I think my problem lies in my "so what" questions. "So What if he kills her?" is not one that my TA would appreciate. "So we're all supposed to be impressed with Faulkner's writing ability" is not an appropriate answer either.

I'm going to go print out a certain So Long Mr. Despair strip, then have a nap.

Edit: 'cus someone might know. Why is it that teacher generally demand only "Times New Roman" or only "Courier"? I can understand not wanting some random font, but most of the default fonts on Apple and Word documents are easy to read and decently sized. Yet I got pissy notes involving "this isn't T.N.R. how dare you not get this right" from the guy last time.

*shrug* Its an easy enough mistake to fix, so its not a big deal. But is there any other reason why some disciplines prefer certain fonts to others, beyond and easy point grab and test of direction-following skills?

I had to add "intersubjectivity" to my dictionary on Word. I feel like a real sociologist now. XD

Edit 1: "Blarg. I can't find any bloody idealist articles."
"Lets look over the stuff I have on my harddrive for anthropology"
First paper to be pulled up:
"...peoples attitudes to traditions, customs and beliefs...may be safe guarding the city..."

Me: *headdesk* well...that was easier than it should have been.

Edit 2: Remember, folks, sleep is for the weak. Unfortunately, I am rather weak in that respect. Ah well. Three hours is allowed, right?

Just got back from a John McCutcheon concert. I got to see my family, listen to a man I've been hearing since before I was born, and hear some absolutely amazing music.

Elspeth, you should have been there. I think you would have liked it, though folklore only figured into his stories a tiny bit.

I was in tears quite a few times. What a wonderful evening.

Just finished reading "The Remains of the Day" by Kazuo Ishiguro.

My mother has an affinity for books about the 'common dignity of man'. The sort of books where one strives, and strives, and strives against the simple act of existing. There are many books, most of them great Literature, which claim this trait. This book is one of them.

"...There is something to his advice that I should cease looking back so much, that I should adopt a more positive outlook and try to make the best of what remains of my day. After all, what can we ever gain in forever looking back and blaming ourselves if our lives have not turned out quite as we might have wished? The hard reality is, surely, that for the likes of you and I, there is little choice other than to leave our fate, ultimately, in the hands of those great gentlemen at the hub of this world...What is the point in worrying oneself too much about what one could or could not have done to control the course one's life took? Surely it is enough that the likes of you and I at least try to make our small contribution count for something true and worthy. And if some of us are prepared to sacrifice much in life in order to pursue such aspirations, surely that is in itself, whatever the outcome, cause for pride and contentment."

Perhaps the true test of a book of such caliber is the emotions one feels at the end of it. There is a wonderful, quiet, sad feeling I get after reading such things. Perhaps, when I too have a full life to look back on, I will find the comfort that is inherent in Ishiguro's words. But I cannot help but wonder if the message in The Remains of the Day will be lost on my classmates. I know that I, with no full life and regrets behind me, cannot yet fully appreciate it.

Ah well.

So I'm off to watch GaoGaiGar to get my hopes up again. I'm young, I think I deserve to hold onto my silly dreams and aspirations for just a bit longer. There is no real likelihood of me becoming a 'great man'...but I can dream of affecting the world with something more than a "small contribution", no matter how worthy and important such small actions truly are.

So another book goes on the shelf, with the label of "Read again when you're a grown up".

'Atta Heng, Hokh'Ton'

Awww. That can't be good.

In other news, I think Mr. Mastermind needs a hug.

So I think I've mentioned reading Emergency Exit before. Its another one of those comics that started off as poorly drawn and rather generic, but turned into something well written and drawn.

I've been reading it on and off for about two years now. The basic premise is a bunch of kids pay their appartment rent by traveling through other worlds and collecting pieces of "the puzzle". They are hindered for their search by a group of remarkably lame villains (who aren't nearly as lame as they look.)

The plot is far more convoluted than that, of course. But it is becoming quite well structured as the story progresses, and some of the anime cliques present in the earlier story have been explained away quite spectacularly. (For example, Eddie has a portal in his head. Which is where he pulls all of those mallets from. Its *not* hammer space. Perhaps one of the best ways to explain a cliques is to make the character get the ability in some horrible, painful way.)

One of my two favorite characters is unsurprising. The 'villain' Lord Kyan is a wonderfully complex character. You get the feeling that he is actually acting so poorly because he enjoys being a buffoon, much to his minions chagrin. He definitely has the features of a 'redeemable' bad guy...if we get his back story and see how he's changed after coming to 'our' world. His logic really does seem to be "oh, bad guys do this. So we should do this as well. We're supposed to be the villains." Which is much more interesting when its been shown that his organization is doing plenty of nebulous other stuff on the side...things that they have a far higher success rate for.

My other favorite character is a little more interesting for me. For one thing he's one of the 'good' guys. For another, he's a complete idiot. Since my favorite character type is normally the intelligent badass, being most invested in the dumb but hiding things character is interesting. The closest character I can compare Eddie too would be Largo from Megatokyo. (Largo has emerged as my favorite character there, too.) Smart, but in a way that simply doesn't fit with the 'normal' rules of the world. In Megatokyo I honestly can't bring myself to care about all of the other characters yet the man who would drive me batty in the real world is the one I'm most invested in. Similarly, I can sympathize with Eddie's friends but honestly am going to keep reading to find more about him and his history.

1) Create a graphic (200 x 200 max size) to represent your personal "candy". It should have your username on it, but otherwise can feature whatever you want. Make it something special since it's self-representative.
2) Make a post with the subject "trick or treat?". Put your "candy" somewhere in it, and be sure to repost these instructions.
3) Then, go around other people's LJs and reply to them with either "trick" or "treat". If you reply with "trick", they will give you an LJ dare that you have to perform before taking their candy. If you're too wimpy for that, simply say "treat" and take their candy.
4) List all your collected candies in your original "trick or treat?" post to show off your collection, being sure not to direct-link!

My Candy:

Just back from anime club/karaoke night (3 in the morning. woot!). Since in the last day I've gotten approximately 4 hours of sleep, I think I'm going to head to bed.

Spent Thursday baking cookies. And most of Friday. Then hauled them all (200 or so plus condiments, metal baking pans, ect.) half a mile in a leather jacket. Of all the days for it to be 70 out...

But I have no cookies left, which suggests that my icing skills made it a success. That or the anime fans were really, really hungry.

Got to see more Basquash!, but didn't watch any other shows (I'm behind on Umeneko) strange how fast six hours goes by when one is sleep deprived and busy.

Karaoke. Huh. It was fun. Jean was remarkably good at rapingrapping, I suck when my co-singer is loud and the song doesn't match up to my mental version, but singing as a group is more fun than I would have thought.

Weird experience - realizing that I was singing along with GaoGaiGar by reading the lyrics. That were written in Korean. I need to practice that song more.

night.

Edit: Was told to look up Gor on TV Tropes. Am remarkably happy that Gor-menghast was the book immediately post-ceding it.

So a friend got me into a new show called "Trapeze" or, to be more accurate "Kuchu Buranko". The basic premise is a medical drama in a very, very very strange psych-ward.

Okay, you say, so what? Medical drama's are a dime a dozen.

But this one is done by Studio 4C - the wonderful anime studio that brought us things like MindGame and Tekkon Kinkreet. (They also did one of the shorts in the Animatrix.) I've squee'd about Mindgame enough times here...but it really is a wonderful example of their style.

Or lack of one, as the case may be. Mindgame jumps and dances in a sketchy, surreal style, and Trapeze combines live action and anime in a very strange - but interesting! - way.

The best description would be "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" crossed with "The Yellow Submarine" with a bit of "House" thrown in. And you thought Gainax enjoyed messing with people's minds.

And there's a 2001 reference less than a minute into the first episode. What's not to love?

Though I've got a question. Out of This , This or This - which do you think is the Id, Ego, and Super Ego? I've been having trouble deciding.

stupid bloody show is making me want to throw Ichiro at Microcosm...

So.

I've broken one of my Rules in life. I'm reading Spark Notes.

Not that I'm not reading Lolita as well. But other classes come first, I have no idea which pages I'm supposed to be on, and Intro+Book+insane amount of notes = Bad K.

The really sad thing? I've been doing better on quizzes. To the extent that I'm thinking of reviewing by just reading plot summaries after I read the book.

Dear Teacher. I understand that you are trying to make our quizzes fast and 'either know the book or not', so all of your questions are names (which is something I'm *not* good at). But why don't you give questions that are actual challenges?

So I've been angsting a bit about a situation that came up at one of my RP's recently.

I play both Karakael and Elloran on DramaDramaDuck. They both were involved in a log with the anthropomorphized Korea from "Axis Powers Hetalia".

( the problem )
Ick.

Death Without Weeping

Sometimes, I wonder what's the point of it all.

If you're wondering why The Decline and Fall Club is back up on my front page, just click the link.

( Why? )

I don't think I can read Lolita in the mood I'm in right now.

Edit: GaoGaiGar makes things better. I suppose there are worse comfort shows than a silly super robot show from the 90s.

Well, drat. I would have gone to church, if the buses were running. Accursed Columbus marathon, messing up my plans.

Edit: Hey, Elspeth, remember how we were talking about how An American Tail wasn't up on YouTube? I lied - it is.

The comment for the first part is "Warning, may contain nostalgia".

Edit 2: And I lied again - only half of it is up.

So I went to see Swan Lake with Elspeth last night. It was a huge production and it was quite impressive.

Though I haven't been in ballet since I was four, so I had quite a few 'nod and smile, that was apparently supposed to be quite impressive' moments.

It was very good, and a wonderful way to spend a Saturday evening.

But I feel kind of guilty for my over all impression being "Damn, Von Rothburg is hot." The costumes were very, very impressive, especially the Villain's. (Tight pants, sexy wing/cloak thing, and boots. Plus, an emo expression and foppy headdress.) I totally do not have a picture with Karakael in the outfit sketched on my desk right now. Totally.

So I ended up dootling up Ric from anime club today while we were watching some rather awesome shows. The only problem is that making real people recognizable - especially in costume - with out reference - is rather difficult.

I think it would look much better if only I could remember how his hair looks.

(And yes, I drew him as a janitor. 'Cus he's doing a Ric job. XP )

I've met the street cat of my block. She's very well taken care of (she has at least two houses that have been feeding her.) She freaked when I tried to take her into the house though - which is probably a good thing, as at least one of my housemates hates cats.

But I swear, that cat is the most affectionate I've seen in a long time. Silky and sweet and well fed.

Though I have a suspicion that she's going to have kittens soon. And she has a very nasty neck wound which I'm worried about.

Oh well. I'm off to write funding requests and figure out how to get in contact with her 'owners'. Maybe I can join the club? Three friendly houses isn't a bad thing to have when one is expecting kittens.

I can't help it, I love the rain. Its poring outside, and its left me curled up at OSU's *new* library, procrastinating on homework and watching the world fade into shades of grey.

I like grey. And there is little more comforting that sitting, nursing a cup of tea or coffee, warm and safe while the world rages on around you. Reading a good book is an added bonus.

If anyone needs me today, I'll be at either the library, or at home.